Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
