Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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