I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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