just tell him i said nine months
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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