i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
