I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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