this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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