a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
