The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
