She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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