I heard we made out
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
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