we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
