ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
