it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
