I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
