so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just want to make out with him forever
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
