I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize