He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
