I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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