just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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