So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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