my phone needs a breathalizer
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
