in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
