if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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