Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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