3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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