HIV tests are more positive than that guy
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
