one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
