I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
