am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
this is an emotional support booty call
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
