Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
