the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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