you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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