I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
