um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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