I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
