Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
