He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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