did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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