He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
