you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
