How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
