you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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