There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
