it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
