you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
