Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
