Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
