she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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