Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
