Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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