he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
