It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
