yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
it glows. i had to have it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize