You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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