Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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