Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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