i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
