His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
