I'm really into asian looking animals
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
