i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
