come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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