Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
