Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
