i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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