i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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