I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
