I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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