I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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