Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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