I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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